Draft Dodger

Alright kids, the NFL Draft is pretty much over now that we're midway through the fourth round and I have the analysis that you've all been waiting for.

 Most professionals would probably take the time to break down each pick by each team, you know, to keep things fair.

Well, screw that.

 I'm talking about ONE pick from ONE team.

 Come on, I'm sure by now that you're probably used to this sort of treatment.

 The Miami Dolphins had just a shitty enough year last season to hold the rights to the eighth pick in this year's draft. Being in the unique position of having a completely horrible team, the draft provides a lot of options for you. When you couple that with the amount of talent that has since departed the team, well, you could pretty much take anybody and have it be a good pick.

The Dolphins hate to love to disappoint and took a guy who appeared on draft boards about a month and a half ago.

 I don't know Ryan Tannehill. I've never watched a Texas A&M game in my life. I've followed sports my whole life and I still don't know squat.

 I, however, do recognize a trap. It's a trap!

Remember when the whole world was going nuts over Furby? Furby was the little toy creature that would open it's eyes and speak in some gibberish whenever you approached it. I didn't really understand it but I knew that everybody else was eating this thing up. When the cool kids at school decide to get a Furby, even if you don't understand it, you know that you need a Furby now too.

So you go to your mom and tell her, "Hey mom, I need a Furby." And her response? The obligatory "Well, Christmas is coming up soon, maybe Santa will bring you one."

 And to that you say, "Mom, I'm 26-years old, just buy me a damn Furby."

Nevertheless, Christmas morning finally arrives and you're bursting with excitement. Finally, your time has come! You'll have a Furby just like all the cool kids.

You search for the right shaped box, tear open the wrapping paper, and come face to face with your brand new...Fuzzby?

A Fuzzby?! Are you freaking kidding me? I specifically asked for a Furby!

Mom says, "Well, the store didn't have any more Furbies but the man said that this was just about the same and could even be more popular than a Furby in a couple years!"

Mom never seems to understand. It's just not the same. It never is.

Fuzzby goes deep into your closet and is never spoken of again. That's my summation of the Ryan Tannehill pick. He's a Fuzzby when all you really wanted was just a damn Furby. But hey, there's a silver lining! He's got a really, really attractive wife. Seriously, she's got the goods. What's she doing with a Fuzzby?