Former Florida Gators standout quarterback (and current Denver Broncos bench warmer), Tim Tebow, is giving the world another gift.
He's decided to put a cap on things and write his memoirs.
The word memoir is French, from Latin meaning "memory" and "reminiscence." It's generally something you do after you have encompassed a life span and would like to reflect on your experiences. Especially if you have lived a life that people would like to hear about. People like world leaders, politicians, and famous businessmen.
Mr. Tebow has decided to do this at 23 as a rookie backup quarterback in the National Football League.
He's calling it an inspirational story that will be about "faith, family, and football."
But he's 23 and hasn't done anything.
"And that was the first time Coach McDaniels made me an omelette. It was a little spicy so I asked him if he added any cayenne pepper to the eggs and he said that he had." - an excerpt from Tim Tebow's memoirs.
Faith, family and football? So he's going to write a whole book on circumcising little boys in third world countries, remaining abstinent, and under-throwing his receivers?
His current NFL stats: zero pass attempts for zero yards and ten rushes for 26 yards. I'm feeling inspired already!
So if there isn't a whole lot of substance in the NFL department, maybe he's going to focus more on his college years instead:
"It was pretty easy running for a billion yards a game with my NFL caliber offensive line and receiving core. Coach Meyer used to do this play that I really liked where I would do a little hop and throw a really weak pass to my tight end that was always wide open in the end zone." - another excerpt from Tim Tebow's memoirs.
If there is a chapter dedicated to his eye black messages, I'm going to lose it.
The most sickening part out of all of this nonsense? It's probably going to be a huge hit and be on the NY Times bestseller list. For whatever reason, the guy's influence on the general public is astounding.
So go out and write a children's Christian book complete with pop-up pictures of Jesus and cute little cuddly Christian animals. Do another PSA about how you think abortions are the work of Satan. Promote John 3:16 some more. That stuff is all good and wholesome Tebow stuff. Just don't write your memoirs, jackass, it's pretentious.
Tebow's "Through My Eyes" comes out in April. It's still unclear whether or not the title is a reference to him crying after the SEC Championship game that Florida lost to Alabama.
