Very soon, basketball and hockey will get out of the way, and all we will be left with is baseball, the so called 'boys of summer', which is also a really good song...which I don't think has to do with baseball?
I'm not sure. Don Henley was on a lot of drugs, pretty much all the time, so he could have been watching a Phillies game on acid when he wrote that song. So it could mean that he was really into the lineup that featured Mike Schmidt, Von Hayes, and Steve Carlton. Or, in the most likely scenario, he's never seen a Phillies game in his life and the "Boys of Summer" is based off of some sort of drug-induced nightmare, despite it's playful beat and hopeful optimistic lyrics.
I don't know and I don't really care, because I used all of that as a literary bridge. You see, also on the 1984 Philadelphia Phillies was a pitcher named Jerry Koosman. He spent 12 years with the Mets and won 140 games. Jerry was no bum, but this story isn't about him. It's about another Met.
Literary bridge crossed.
This is the story of Kevin Pillar, the Mets outfielder that was hit in the face with a 94 MPH fastball.
Picture this: You're in the great state of New York, more specifically in the city of Kingston. You decide you want to get away for the weekend, maybe just get a breath of fresh air, but whatever you do...you're just getting away. It's important. It's healthy. It's mental healthy.
You decide to go to the city of Massapequa. Small, quiet hamlet, on Long Island. It's the perfect getaway for the constant grind you face in Kingston. Kingston is always go, go, go, and this is Massapequa...slow, slow, slow. A guy can really get some thinking done around here. There's a lot of history there, as well. The Massapequa people spoke Algonquian, which is a real cool party trick these days. Also, Jerry Seinfeld is from there!
Anyways, you are leaving from Kingston to spend your wellness time away in Massapequa, and you're in a hurry. There's not a time limit on working on yourself but nevertheless, you've got to get there. You'll get there as fast as you can...say...like within an hour.
Kingston is 90.4 miles away from Massapequa. You could go 90 MPH in a Volvo to get from Kingston to Massapequa and still not be faster than the baseball that hit Kevin Pillar in the face a few days ago.
Kevin Pillar got hit, in the face, with a baseball, traveling faster than you could get from Kingston to Massapequa in an hour. A baseball. To the face.
A Major League baseball is comprised of cork, rubber, cotton, wool, and cowhide. I don't know how many of you have been smacked in the face with cow-skin that has a cork and rubber core, but I can't imagine it feels good, let alone at a speed that's faster than you can drive from Peekskill to Baldwin and back again.
Well, Kevin Pillar took that super fast cow-skin to the face and was upset he had to leave the game! What an absolute beast. I've got to be honest here, maybe I'm soft, but a 94 MPH to the face sounds like a sweet retirement insurance plan. I mean, 94 to the face?! I thought I played baseball and wasn't an UFC fighter! Diamond, right? Not Octagon?
I'm better than that joke, but I'm letting it ride for the new readership.
Look, it's rare when you love your job so much that you're willing to take a 94 MPH fastball to the face. I guess there's always the possibility that he didn't see it coming or also could react in a way to shield himself. It would be weird if I got hit with a 94 MPH baseball. That would be a story. Guy walking across the street gets hit in face with fastball from Major League player. That's enticing. But only because I'm not a baseball player.
As a baseball player there's an inherent risk that you could get hit in the face with a ball made of cow, traveling faster than northern New Yorkers on vacation. I'm pretty sure that's in the contract.
As for Kevin? He went to the press conference after the game.
He. Went. To. The. Press. Conference.
I'm not saying that Kevin Pillar is impervious to fast cow because it definitely jacked up his face...a lot. Like how you would expect...it was gross.
But he went and spoke to the media! Looking like Quasimodo!
I talked about how it would be weird if I got hit in the face with a baseball going 94 MPH, because I'm just a civilian. I've played co-ed softball and got plunked on the square of the back. I only got hit because I saw it coming high and inside and I turned in time, you know, for the team. It stung for a hot minute. I also learned that getting hit by the softball doesn't grant you first base like it does in real sports and I felt really ashamed. I was ashamed because what kind of screwball rules are we doing here?! God forbid I took a softball to the face!
I didn't. Even still, it would have been at a cool 35 MPH, which could maybe give a toddler a few stitches and also amnesia...for a little bit.
Kevin Pillar took an '84 Volvo to the face and then described it at the press conference following the game. Kudos to you, sir!
Float on, graceful swans!
