Well kids, the dreaded month of June is almost over and I simply cannot wait.
As a wee lad roaming the luscious green fields and prairies of America's heartland and blah blah blah...I hate the summer time. Get ready for two months of strictly baseball highlights and hot dog eating contests. While I do like baseball, I really only like MY team and could give two craps about the awesome play some other team made, Sportscenter. Oh, Manny Machado made a cool grab on a blooper? I'm just upset that his wrist didn't snap. Hey, Ichiro Suzuki hit a walk-off home run? Even Yankee fans find that appalling.
The College World Series might as well be daytime television. It's confusing, boring, and the named characters always prevail. I'm pretty sure UCLA won and I say pretty sure because the format on how they determine a winner is pretty much how the BCS rankings work: it's purely random. Kudos to UCLA but I'm sure the congratulatory card from John Wooden would have read, "Congrats on your first title, UCLA baseball, I think it's really cute."
Hockey is over and I say this with full respect but THANK GOODNESS. I'm sorry, I'm not a hockey fan, but I love hockey fans. I understand your admiration and genuine love so I get pissed off when Gary Bettman decides to dick around with that. I don't hate hockey, I hate Bettman, and I hate the system that he's currently utilizing. When a great event like the Stanley Cup finals rolls around, and Bettman is presiding, and fans are going nuts, and television ratings are high, I can't help but think, "You FOOLS! This is what he wanted all along!"
However, if you find yourself locked in a room with David Stern, Gary Bettman, and Satan with a loaded pistol with two bullets (I will probably find myself in this scenario), what you do is shoot Bettman twice and try to convince Satan that Stern is after his job. That's right, the NBA is done now too. Kudos to San Antonio for collectively shitting the bed and letting, er, um, excuse me, "letting" LeBron hold claim to his second title. But most importantly is that Stern now goes into his "nesting" period to prepare for next year's harvest. I'm still not convinced that he's retiring. Taking David Stern away from the NBA commissioner job is like taking Paula Deen away from a man that shits butter...they aren't going anywhere until your ass is chewed off. I won't even be satisfied when he does step down because he's probably just manipulating someone more powerful than him to upset the balance in the force. And if you didn't get that blatant Star Wars reference here's the gist: I think that David Stern is the Sith Lord.
Now back to the MLB. It's June. The Tampa Bay Rays play in the AL East (the best division in baseball) and I'm supposed to care over the peanut squabbling? Come talk to me in the fall when shit gets real and I start drinking because the Dolphins are doing so terribly and the Rays are on the cusp but juuuuuuusssst can't seem to reach it.
So what do we do until the NFL comes back? Hell if I know. All I know is that the Studly Pastures anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks and I feel like the fat girl on the couch, wearing sweat pants, and crying into a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream (I chose that flavor because if you don't like it, you're a weirdo).
Maybe we should get a hobby. I mean, working here on the unicorn stud farms tends to take up most of my day, but there's always the quiet aftermath. What then? I heard dream catchers are a fun project. But that's kind of lame and then after you make them, what are you going to do? Hang them on your wall? Get a booth at the flea market? You can't do that and expect people to still talk to you.
Alright kids, just grab a cold one, hunker down and watch some Netflix (they aren't paying me, I swear) and I will be back in July to celebrate myself. Take care.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
The Hammer To Fall
Well hello there, Alex Rodriguez and Ryan Braun, how nice to see you again!
And I only greet you so warmly because you are the first...and most expected. I can't wait for the others.
Kids, take notice, this is what happens when you make your personal foundation out of balsa wood. As much as I think (know) that Bud Selig is a figure-head and that Major League Baseball is more of a "Aw crap, we shouldn't have done that" instead of a "Hey, here's things we should look out for" type of business, I do have to give them the credit that in this dark time for the sport they WILL NOT subject new youth to the same poison that fell in love with them before the steroids era.
I truly believe that they have forsaken the reasons that they got into trouble to begin with and are now on the path to...eh, somewhat redemption. Witch-hunt? Of course. Hammer is falling, need scape-goats? Check. But do I think MLB is on the right track? Absolutely.
I was a kid when McGwire and Sosa were challenging each other for the season home run title and I was captivated. Then I was a teenager when whispers came out about that maybe they weren't doing it just themselves. Then I found myself pursuing a career in sports journalism. Thanks to them? No, not even. This piece is not even meant to be nostalgic. I went down the path of sports journalism because of my mother, so forward all emails to her.
I'm rambling, I'm not supposed to, but the point is that I watched the rise and the "rise" and the fall. And the supposed "rise" from that fall. But we've been falling for a long time, they've just been waiting to finally nail the last dirt bags. Well, kids, I think we got 'em.
Tony Bosch, the ring-leader behind the whole Miami-based PED (really? you don't know what this means? fine...it's performance enhancing drug, you big weirdo) is going to comply with federal investigators and implicate long time expected PED (see above) users and finally give them their just desserts.
Careful, let's not get ahead of ourselves just like, for example, ESPN. Calm down, ESPN, you are drooling. Relax a bit.
Tony Bosch is the equivalent to that guy on the Sopranos that denies and denies and is finally pinched by the feds and all of a sudden has all this information. Not exactly a reliable source, probably just some guy looking out for his own two bits.
Tony Bosch will end up being the legal nail in the coffin but haven't we already had enough? Do we really still look at A-Rod's home runs and legitimately nod our heads? When Ryan Braun's test came back "inconclusive" and he avoided suspension, did we assume he was innocent? No. Not even close. Major League Baseball and steroids is a slippery slope. It doesn't matter what has been proven, it matters if your name is on the list or not.
Where have I heard this before?
McCarthyism aside, here are some facts:
1. There are baseball players that have been accused of using PEDs that have denied it.
2. There are baseball players that haven't been accused of using PEDs that are using PEDs.
3. There are baseball players that have been accused of using PEDs that aren't using them.
4. There are baseball players that haven't been accused of using PEDs that aren't using them.
Let's put aside the fear tactics. A-Rod, Braun, and whomever else they so choose to go after, are they dirty? Probably. Maybe. I think so.
How dumb would you feel though? I mean, not necessarily with A-Rod, because he's done everything in his power to show you he has terrible judgement...but Braun? Braun has gone out of his way to prove his innocence. He found loop holes in the PED test for crying out loud* (*author's discretion, not viable to being sued by Ryan Braun...or his lawyers...dammit...it doesn't matter, he'll find a loop hole).
A-Rod plays for the Yankees, he's clearly evil! He's smacking you in the face with it like he is trying to smack a baseball out of the glove of Bronson Arroyo. (Bronson Arroyo just smiled somewhere.)
Ryan Braun plays for the Brewers! The damn Milwaukee Brewers! What's his angle!? "Maybe they won't see me up here. - Ryan Braun"
I don't get it. What I do get is that for every sport and for every hero you have cheaters and loop holes and maybe we've nailed two of the biggest and maybe we haven't. And I'm sad. I mentioned it in an earlier post how little league world series kids announce A-Rod as their favorite baseball player and it makes me have to stifle my vomit while I'm watching ESPN2 and First Take isn't even on.
And maybe when we're young we just pick our heroes not knowing whether they stand for good or evil but because in our eyes that's the biggest person we can see. And as we grow, so do our visions with them, and our dreams and all of a sudden we see like them.
And that's how cults get started. A-Rod and Braun are dirty, kids, go out and play tee-ball.
And I only greet you so warmly because you are the first...and most expected. I can't wait for the others.
Kids, take notice, this is what happens when you make your personal foundation out of balsa wood. As much as I think (know) that Bud Selig is a figure-head and that Major League Baseball is more of a "Aw crap, we shouldn't have done that" instead of a "Hey, here's things we should look out for" type of business, I do have to give them the credit that in this dark time for the sport they WILL NOT subject new youth to the same poison that fell in love with them before the steroids era.
I truly believe that they have forsaken the reasons that they got into trouble to begin with and are now on the path to...eh, somewhat redemption. Witch-hunt? Of course. Hammer is falling, need scape-goats? Check. But do I think MLB is on the right track? Absolutely.
I was a kid when McGwire and Sosa were challenging each other for the season home run title and I was captivated. Then I was a teenager when whispers came out about that maybe they weren't doing it just themselves. Then I found myself pursuing a career in sports journalism. Thanks to them? No, not even. This piece is not even meant to be nostalgic. I went down the path of sports journalism because of my mother, so forward all emails to her.
I'm rambling, I'm not supposed to, but the point is that I watched the rise and the "rise" and the fall. And the supposed "rise" from that fall. But we've been falling for a long time, they've just been waiting to finally nail the last dirt bags. Well, kids, I think we got 'em.
Tony Bosch, the ring-leader behind the whole Miami-based PED (really? you don't know what this means? fine...it's performance enhancing drug, you big weirdo) is going to comply with federal investigators and implicate long time expected PED (see above) users and finally give them their just desserts.
Careful, let's not get ahead of ourselves just like, for example, ESPN. Calm down, ESPN, you are drooling. Relax a bit.
Tony Bosch is the equivalent to that guy on the Sopranos that denies and denies and is finally pinched by the feds and all of a sudden has all this information. Not exactly a reliable source, probably just some guy looking out for his own two bits.
Tony Bosch will end up being the legal nail in the coffin but haven't we already had enough? Do we really still look at A-Rod's home runs and legitimately nod our heads? When Ryan Braun's test came back "inconclusive" and he avoided suspension, did we assume he was innocent? No. Not even close. Major League Baseball and steroids is a slippery slope. It doesn't matter what has been proven, it matters if your name is on the list or not.
Where have I heard this before?
McCarthyism aside, here are some facts:
1. There are baseball players that have been accused of using PEDs that have denied it.
2. There are baseball players that haven't been accused of using PEDs that are using PEDs.
3. There are baseball players that have been accused of using PEDs that aren't using them.
4. There are baseball players that haven't been accused of using PEDs that aren't using them.
Let's put aside the fear tactics. A-Rod, Braun, and whomever else they so choose to go after, are they dirty? Probably. Maybe. I think so.
How dumb would you feel though? I mean, not necessarily with A-Rod, because he's done everything in his power to show you he has terrible judgement...but Braun? Braun has gone out of his way to prove his innocence. He found loop holes in the PED test for crying out loud* (*author's discretion, not viable to being sued by Ryan Braun...or his lawyers...dammit...it doesn't matter, he'll find a loop hole).
A-Rod plays for the Yankees, he's clearly evil! He's smacking you in the face with it like he is trying to smack a baseball out of the glove of Bronson Arroyo. (Bronson Arroyo just smiled somewhere.)
Ryan Braun plays for the Brewers! The damn Milwaukee Brewers! What's his angle!? "Maybe they won't see me up here. - Ryan Braun"
I don't get it. What I do get is that for every sport and for every hero you have cheaters and loop holes and maybe we've nailed two of the biggest and maybe we haven't. And I'm sad. I mentioned it in an earlier post how little league world series kids announce A-Rod as their favorite baseball player and it makes me have to stifle my vomit while I'm watching ESPN2 and First Take isn't even on.
And maybe when we're young we just pick our heroes not knowing whether they stand for good or evil but because in our eyes that's the biggest person we can see. And as we grow, so do our visions with them, and our dreams and all of a sudden we see like them.
And that's how cults get started. A-Rod and Braun are dirty, kids, go out and play tee-ball.
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