The Dictator and the Douche Bag

Ladies, please, let me be the voice of generally sane male individuals aged 10-40, and let me tell you that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

This world has churned more than high tides on full moons (which is a saying that nobody has used ever but I'm hoping it catches on to make me some sweet cash) and the end result has been men that simply do not get the joke.

The joke, is of course, life. You can choose to accept it and live out your merry days as a blogger for a prominent sports blog that's popular in Russia or you can be a complete douche bag. The point is, the choice is yours, and yours alone.

So, when Ozzie Guillen and Bobby Petrino jump fully clothed into the douche bag pool, I am not surprised, but I am sorry.

You never should have to put up with this.

These are the guys your father has conniptions about you dating. I don't trust this guy, he says weird things, and he never addresses me as sir. I have yet to date a girl that I want to refer to her father as 'Dad' but I have still upheld the simplest form of respect and that's a handshake and a 'sir'. It's not hard to show respect, unless you are disrespectful.

Ozzie basically says he sympathizes with Fidel Castro.

You work in MIAMI!!!

Are you kidding me? Stop it with the "I said it in Spanish but I thought it in English" bullshit. I'll save you the time. That doesn't make any sense. What you did was say something that you thought was straight up, crazy, pure Ozzie, and lo and behold it bit you in the ass. Hard.

Ozzie, you probably don't read this since you are not in Russia, but you should have lost your job. The five game suspension is a laughable punishment. If the Marlins were serious about embracing their strong Latin community, you would be gone. Your presence there dictates otherwise.

And I feel really bad for the Miami community, considering most of them are refugees from Castro's dictatorship, they were excited for the new 'Miami' team and the new 'Miami' stadium, and for a manager they thought would sympathize with them. So sorry.

And then we have the stand up guy that is Bobby Petrino. This guy has been a snake for years.

When he straight up abandoned the Atlanta Falcons, mid-season, he became the coach of the Arkansas Razor Backs.

When you coach for Arkansas, pretty much all of Georgia hates you anyways, let alone the one time you abandoned their star football team. Nice going, douche bag.

Well, Bobby "Trusty" Petrino crashed his motorcycle earlier this month. Turns out the married man, with children, lied about being alone. He had a female half his age on the bike with him.

Stop right there.

We've already established that Bobby Petrino is a douche bag. He is. A big one.

What I need to establish, at this present place and time, is that there is still a lot of good out there. There are plenty of people like me that don't condone the actions of Ozzie Guillen and Bobby Petrino and hope and pray that two assholes don't control the flow of the universe.

There's already enough out there to adjust for the good that it just makes sense that people have given up.

Well, fear not, we are still here. We battle tooth and nail for the righteousness of man and we will not give up or give in. The good ones are still out there and I implore you to keep looking.

Guillen and Petrino are just two public figures that have yet to figure out the joke.

A co-worker of mine has a young son that I love talking to because he's a fucking gem. He talks better than you, trust me.

He looked at me dead nuts and said, "Thank you for walking with me to my home, I hope you come back and visit really soon."

If a toddler can get it right, why is it so hard for you? Take some notes.