I was talking with Biscuits the other day and the conversation kind of went something like this:
You ever notice how time just seems to get away from you? It's kind of scary of how quick it goes by, you know, because it's not like we can get more of it. (That was me, by the way)
Yeah, time, one of life's ancient mysteries, just like Scooby Doo. (That was Biscuits)
Wait, what?
You know, Scooby Doo, he's one of the documentaries I watch.
Okay, first off, Scooby Doo is an animated character on a show meant for children and it itself is not an actual mystery--they solve mysteries that usually follow the same dynamic.
Yep.
You didn't understand any of that, did you?
Yep.
The dog and his team of weird teenagers solve mysteries that the police could solve in about two seconds because it's always some psycho adult dressed up as a monster. It's not one of life's ancient mysteries--you know exactly what's going to happen each and every episode! The only great mystery of it all is how it's managed to stay relevant for this long.
There you go.
I...what...do you...do you think you just Jedi mind-tricked me into believing that Scooby Doo is one of life's ancient mysteries?
Yes.
Damn it, Biscuits, I was trying to actually talk to you for once and yet again we ended up talking about nonsense! Go back to the stable before I lose it!
Fine! And I'll watch all the Scooby Doo I want while I'm there!
There you have it. That's the extent of our weird existential crisis/children's show conversation. Granted I was having it with a unicorn who thinks that cartoons are documentaries that he watches in a stable but he had a good point about where I was going with my thought on time. I mean, he probably just wanted me to watch Scooby Doo with him, but I took it as that time isn't some great mysterious force but as something that we can control, just like those grown ass people pretending to be ghosts in Scooby Doo. Time is our creation and this is my time.
Speaking of which, not much has changed during our last talk. The NBA is still irrelevant because of no parity whatsoever that it's more fiscally sound for Las Vegas to post odds on Australian football. I'm not even sure if Australian football is a thing, and if it is, then I'm not sure if it's rugby, football, or soccer, but anyways it's a better payout these days than the NBA. The two guys all year long fighting for MVP and one averaging a triple double, James Harden and Russell Westbrook, are out. The San Antonio Spurs, a perennial great team that looked great all this year, looks like junior varsity next to the Golden State Warriors. Lebron James has to hear all year about how he's not Jordan and how shitty his team looks and that they're not cohesive together. Yet the Warriors and the Cavaliers are undefeated in the playoffs and in their respective conference finals looking forward to Cavs v. Warriors III: This time it's...personal.
But it's really not. The sports media did a really good job of telling us that the regular season mattered and here's some teams that we should really watch to make a move in the playoffs and I just threw up in my mouth. If this is how the NBA is going to roll then we'll just have the Warriors and Cavaliers play 82 games against each other and if they end up going 41-41 then the tiebreaker will be all the players have to become insurance brokers for the rest of their lives.
Speaking of sports media, did you all see the purge at ESPN recently? ESPN is reportedly hemorrhaging money and has decided that the best course of action is to get rid of anybody that viewers and readers follow at ESPN. This is concurrent to a sinking ship and the captain yelling, "Quick, throw off all the life-jackets and signal flares! We're sinking and need to save weight!" Then the captain yelled, "Quick, throw the network to a live feed that we've been advertising for days for to Derek Jeter receiving a plaque in New York!" None of these are good decisions. I've always liked Derek Jeter...okay, I've always respected Derek Jeter but I thought it was a little ridiculous that a world-wide broadcasting network decided that during prime-time they would show the number retiring ceremony of one guy that played for one team. I get what Jeter means to baseball, and he's a New York Yankee, and was always a good guy, and all this carries weight. I get that. But what does ESPN have to do with it? There's lots of Yankees fans all over the world but there's mostly Yankees 'fans' all over the world. They like the logo. They like the pinstripes. It's the only baseball team they ever heard of. The numbers are skewed on the number of Yankees fans because of these reasons. It's kind of like someone wearing Jordan's and not knowing who Michael Jordan is. I know this. Why doesn't the 'world-wide leader in sports'?
Well kids, it's good to chat again. See you soon. Float on, graceful swans.
