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Wednesday, December 20, 2017

The Revenge Of The Sith

I woke up this morning to the terrible news that I am no longer a baseball fan.

In a move that revered scientists couldn't even explain to me, the Tampa Bay Rays have traded Evan Longoria to the San Francisco Giants, effectively rendering anything they ever do again be pointless and terrible.  This is by far the stupidest move the Rays have ever done.

As a small market team, the biggest problem is trying to keep home grown talent and trying to not be a minor league team for a big market team.  Just ask the Miami Marlins how they feel about the New York Yankees right about now.  They just "traded" away their franchise player in Giancarlo Stanton to the Bronx for the equivalent of a ham sandwich, with now I whom sympathize with. (Marlins' fans, not the ham sandwich)

Does it really matter who you get in the trade?  The Marlins traded away their Barry Bonds.  The Rays traded away their Derek Jeter.  Could you imagine the New York Yankees trading away Derek Jeter?  No, you couldn't because you know it would never fucking happen!  Just as you knew that Jeter was the heart and soul of the Yankees, Longoria was the heart and soul of the Rays.  We just traded away the first thing that ever gave us any hope, that ever gave us any success, and that ever acted like the Rays could compete with the rest of the assholes.  Price was the shot to the gut, Maddon was the death sentence, and Longoria is the dirt on the casket.  It's over kids, we just traded our own son to somebody else.

You don't trade Longoria.  I can't believe that should have been a sign we had made up and put in the GM's office.  How do you not know that?  Why is there not somebody's job that all they do is stand around and as soon as someone says, "Well, why don't we trade Longoria?" and they quickly run over to that person and slap them as hard as they can directly in the face.  I would have paid that salary myself if I knew this day was coming.

I have no intentions of listening to any press conferences or statements from the team because it's all bullshit anyways.  You can not tell me that you were actively trying to make the team better by removing it's foundation.  You're trying to sell me a car without wheels and expecting me to jump in and take off.  It's not gonna work.  What the Hell is the point anymore?  If this wasn't the official stamp on the "We're Just A Breeding Ground For Four Other Cities" then I don't know what else to call it.  Hey kids, come play for the Rays and just maybe someday you'll actually be taken seriously and traded to San Fran, Boston, LA, or hell, maybe even New York!  I feel like I could angry vomit right now.

I just know that some San Franciscan is turning on ESPN right now and saying "Cool, that guy's a good pickup" and I'm over here updating my will but it's entirely accurate.  There's no angle to look at this and say it isn't devastating.  The people behind this deal are probably related to the architects of the Titanic and the Hindenburg.  I want to be able to say "Well, fuck you San Francisco" but it all reality it needs to be "Well, fuck you Tampa Bay!"  How could you not know?  How could you not know to not trade Longoria?

Oh dear God...they did know.  That means that they simply just didn't care.  They don't care what this means to me, and you, and everybody else like us.  Some men just like to watch the world burn.

Goodbye, Longo.  Goodbye, underdog.  Goodbye, baseball.

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