Those Left Behind

For those loyal readers of the Studly Pastures, I apologize, this post will not be as light-hearted as most of my normal work is.  90% of the time I strive to make you laugh and the other 10% I actually encourage you to think.  Due to the events of earlier today, this post will be in the 10%.

Anybody who hasn't heard yet, Kansas City Chiefs Linebacker Jovan Belcher shot his girlfriend after an argument and then drove to his home stadium and committed suicide in front of his coach and general manager who were trying to talk him down from more acts of violence.

As if the dual tragedy wasn't enough, it branches out further.  The couple had a infant child, his mother apparently witnessed the first shooting, and let us not forget the other family members of the victim, the shooter's teammates, the impact this will have on the two men that got to know him and tried to talk him down, and of course, anybody else who has ever been affected by a suicide that has their stitches ripped out every time a suicide pops up in the news.

I know that was a run-on sentence.  Grammar be damned tonight.

I'm not a religious person but I am a passionate person.  I care and love for things and those things are mostly people.  The other three are sports, beer, and pizza. (Okay, I'll tell some jokes, it's still ME after all)

And for those that I love, rest assured, I've been mad at you.  I've been completely and utterly pissed off with those closest to me and they've known it.  The reason you have never known it before is because it doesn't make the news because I'm a rational human being that understands the impact of life and the impact of loss.  Anger is an emotion and emotions are ever-changing.  The only people that stay angry forever are Clint Eastwood and Mel Gibson...and Gibson's is due to a chemical imbalance.

Suicide is the most selfish form of death there is.  For one, it's self-inflicted at any given time and interval.  For two, the release is typically quick and painless...for yourself.  No thought is given to those left behind except in a letter containing a weak apology.  Suicide victims are usually parents, children, spouses, friends, and whoever else you managed to encounter in your life.  The victim is never you.  You checked out, what do you care?

I'd like to say that there was something clearly wrong in the brain of Jovan Belcher but I never knew the guy nor am I a doctor.  All I can see right now is that Belcher is a thief.  He robbed the family of his girlfriend their precious baby girl.  He robbed his own family of their son.  He robbed his child the experience of growing up with PARENTS.

And if there was something wrong in Belcher's brain that caused him to commit these acts, where were the warning signs?  He works closely with the same twenty or so people EVERY single day.  Nobody once thought that Jovan was acting a little weird lately?  He started for a team that plays in the NFL.  He's on national television for Christ's sake and NOBODY saw anything?

Did he just snap?  Reports say that he was unhappy with how late his girlfriend stayed out with friends after a concert.  That's what started the argument that eventually ended both of their lives.  To me, that's a five-minute tiff and then I'm over it.  Why did this guy ruin lives because of it?

That's the other horrible thing about suicide.  There are questions that will never be answered.  Everybody that's left behind is left in a state of limbo, unsure of how to move on with their lives because they aren't sure about what exactly just happened to shake up their entire existence.

So what now?  We study his brain, find some dark spots on it and attribute the whole thing to that?  Does the NFL concussion committee have some new evidence?  What happens to the state of the game?

Is Jovan's son going to care?  Not a chance.  His world has affectively ended before it's even begun and that makes me incredibly sad.  How do you stand a chance when there is nobody in your corner?

Back to Romeo Crennel and Scott Pioli, the two men that were trying to get Jovan to put down the gun and stop all the violence/madness: Jovan thanked them for everything and then shot himself.  How sadistic is that?  How do you not realize that you are about to make these two men, who are trying to help you, endure the rest of their lifetime with the thought of, "What if?"

How did everything lose it's meaning?!  Boyfriend, father, son, teammate, friend...none of these labels registered anymore?  WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!

In the end it's just really, really sad.  All my years of journalistic training and honing my writing skills and all I can come up with is that it's just really, really sad.  Always remember kids, you are bigger than you think you are.  There is someone that thinks about you even when you don't.