I wish I had the power to bring someone, not from this world, here one day and then let them do what we consider pretty much the normal everyday activities.
Wake up. Get the paper. Make breakfast. Go to work. Come home. Watch the news. Make dinner. Go to sleep.
Then I would like to ask them what they thought of Tiger Woods.
I'm pretty sure it would go something like this. "Oh, he's the guy that started the holocaust and killed all those nice Dutch people at Pearl Harbor."
After all, they've only been here for one day. They can't get ALL the details right.
Somehow the media, the entire collective media, got confused and thought that Tiger's putter is somehow an extension of his penis.
Now, I'm not a champion golfer. I know some things. I know that in order to ensure a great swing, you first have to say, "dollar bills." Bingo. Great golf swing.
I also know that at any given time I decided to swing the wrenches, it had nothing to do with my penis. It's a sport. The only sport that involves the penis is "sword-fighting." No, not that kind of sword-fighting. You're thinking of fencing.
So Tiger goes out this weekend and, wouldn't you know it, has the worst professional tournament of his career.
Duh. Of course he does. Didn't you see him on Thursday? He had a goatee, it was Evil Tiger. Evil Tiger doesn't play golf, he plays WOMEN.
Somehow the media, has forgotten this. They like to think that Evil Tiger plays golf. They like to make us think that Evil Tiger plays golf.
He doesn't.
Regular Tiger does and he's the best at it. As soon as Regular Tiger kills Evil Tiger, or at least shaves off that awful goatee, he'll be back to being the best at golf.
It's like the real-life version of those Priceline commercials with William Shatner. In fact, it's exactly like that. Only he's trying to make you spend more money on hotels.
I love you. Enough said.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me want to re-read "The Aardvark's Bane."
ReplyDelete