The unicorns and I usually find ourselves having a lot of free time on our hands/hooves this time of year. October usually means that most of my favorite sports teams have shit the bed and because of this we usually spend a lot of time trying to preoccupy ourselves with mundane activities. Myself? I like the booze so that helps but the damn unicorns might as well be Mormons because they don't drink. They like puzzles.
What kind of puzzles? Any. kind. of. puzzle. The house is chock full of sudoku, crosswords, Rubiks cubes, straight jackets, mazes, riddles, algebra books, health care forms, things that rhyme with orange, and just regular puzzles. While this makes Christmas shopping for me easy as pie I can't stand that they insist on never getting rid of the finished puzzles. It's a puzzle. You solved it. It's done.
Nope. Not them. They like to hold onto them like little trophies of vindication that they really are that smart. It's pathetic! They sleep standing up and let their bowel movements fall wherever they happen to be at that particular time. Sure, they can do magic and cause rainbows, but they're pretty fucking far from majestic. They don't see themselves that way, obviously, and that's why the house is filled with finished puzzles. Every now and then the unicorns will go around and hoist one up and start to bask in all it's glory and I'll walk by and take it from them. It's not very hard, they have hooves, they can't grip anything.
Speaking of puzzles and holding up bullshit, I think it's time to talk about the NCAA and college basketball.
So a hooker has come out and said that Louisville is trying to recruit basketball players by having sex parties in the athletic dorms and I find that absurd because the sale should be made on making baseball bats and fried chicken. All kidding aside, has anyone ever done anything with a hooker and been completely mind at ease over the whole thing? I said 'all kidding aside' but what I really meant was this whole thing is a joke and how the Hell can we take it seriously?
Let me put it this way: In our nation we have a institution put in place for higher learning called colleges and universities. It's our way to cultivate and nurture our bright young minds so we can usher in a better quality of life for our children and that's really what we're all here for. I truly believe all that. I do.
But the kids, they need to get out and play, and so play we let them. Sports was introduced into higher learning and things were just dandy until other people were like, "Hey! Those guys are doing things that might be entertaining to other people! How do we profit off of this?" They started out modest enough but they would soon refer to themselves as the National Collection of Assholes Anonymous and their main objective would not be to protect the young, vulnerable minds that our very country depends on but to make sure they made every possible penny they could at any expense of human sacrifice.
You see, what happens when you start thinking about the dolla dolla bills is that you start thinking that all those things that you used to think were important really aren't anymore because it's hindering your ability to get those dolla dolla bills. You start to look the other way, you encourage competition against those that really shouldn't be competing against each other, and you take any edge you can against everybody else. Your recruiting pitch goes from "We have a well established institution of learning" to "Go in that room and enjoy the sex party". What the Hell? Money is only important as we make it and we've made it higher than our values and our future. We're recruiting our young, bright minds on the pretense of sex parties.
The NCAA is a pimp, not a professor. The American youth is vulnerable to the hands of an organization that demands satisfaction now, not later. This isn't just Louisville. This is everywhere. UCF is one of the biggest schools in country...God only knows what closed doors hide there.
So a hooker has come out and said that Louisville is trying to recruit basketball players by having sex parties...and we only know this because she called the NCAA looking for someone to foot the bill and they hung up on her.
By the way, I keep using the term 'hooker' and I mean no disrespect, it's just what the NCAA likes us to refer to ourselves as.
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