It's October. Sorry.

Happy October, kids.  And all that means is that a lot of us are about to have a bad time in Major League Baseball.

For those of you that would rather watch paint dry I implore you to read something else.  For the love of anything that you consider holy, educate yourselves.

I want to vomit.  The atmosphere in the Twilight Zone this time of year gets really thick and it presses down on my stomach and kidneys to where I gag and piss out blood.  It's not very glamourous but then again--not much is in the Twilight Zone.

October signals the end of just about all baseball that anybody cares about, the relevance of your favorite football team, and the start of all things basketball.

For those of you that like good things, this is a really positive month.

For people like me, I'll be in a scotch coma.

You think for someone who surrounds himself in a sportsverse that I would take steps to ensure I have something to talk about all year long.  Well, turns out, masochism is a hell of drug.

The only thing college basketball will be good for me this year is a easy way to blow twenty bucks on a three-team parlay.  I only do twenty bucks because I'll probably do it about fifteen times this year.  I never learn my lesson.

Hell, the highlight of my October will be Halloween when I pass out candy to the local dregs and their offspring.  Don't confuse me with someone who gives a crap about children, I really don't.  I just know the rest of society could give less of a crap if some kids got some candy one day out of the year.  Plus, I give out the good stuff.  I refuse to be caught up in the brainwashed masses that are convinced that candy corn is even remotely edible.  It sucks and needs to be destroyed.

Speaking of gambling, how badly do the Dolphins try and screw you?  They never win but they always cover the spread by losing by a field goal in overtime.  What an awful thing to do.  They wrench your heart and your wallet.

Scumbags.

Vegas is so prevalent in sports these days that it almost pays more to not be a fan.

Correction: It definitely pays more.  You make money and don't suffer the heartbreak.  If only I could stop getting hopped up on this masochism.