The team will set up an elaborate sting operation and the unsuspecting suspect will fall right into it and then...SURPRISE!...he's a All-American track star capable of parkour stunts!
The white guy that has the black hair must be hated by the writers. He's been shot in the eye with a nail gun, denied sex by a hot chick, almost drowned by a huge black guy, and is constantly saved by the rest of the team.
The blonde would be much cuter if she didn't talk like that.
I feel like the blonde talks like that in real life.
If an episode opens up with four young people driving down a road in a convertible, it's probably a safe bet to assume they are all about to be shot by escaped convicts from a crashed plane. Yep, all four of them.
There's nothing greater than the cross-over episodes with CSI: New York and you can just tell Gary Sinise is trying really hard to not punch David Caruso square in the nose.
I really wish Gary Sinise would punch David Caruso square in the nose.
All crime lab scientists are gorgeous.
10 cut scenes? Forget it. 20 cut scenes? Laughable. 30 cut scenes? Go on. 100? Bingo.
It's probably not the best idea to reveal exactly what the answer to the grand mystery is with more than half of the episode still to go, yet they do!
They have technology that makes Steve Jobs look like Forrest Gump.
This is Miami. We're gonna need at least one under-age chick in a bikini per episode.
The Spanish guy never really does anything except listen in on interrogations.
David Caruso's acting range is from guy who doesn't care at all to guy who is so unsure of himself that he just speaks in ambiguous statements all the time.
They put men and women in the same holding cell.
Does original CSI watch this version and shake their heads like you do for your child that constantly disappoints you?
I don't understand how AMC takes themselves seriously by putting on Braveheart and following it with episodes of CSI: Miami.
Did they name him Horatio because Bill was taken? Seriously, there's over the top and then there's waaaaay waaaaaay over the top.
I am pretty sure this is the worst show in television history.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
U-G-L-Y, She Ain't Go No Alibi
I want to begin the March edition of Studly Pastures with a great travesty that I learned about today.
Normally when I hear the words "Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Auditions" I get all tingly inside and start salivating like I just sat down in a fancy steak restaurant after being stranded out at sea for a few months.
So when I read those words today followed by these words: "Grandma, 55, to audition", I went into a complete meltdown.
THE Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?! The Mount Everest of chicks in skimpy skirts, loose fitting tied-off shirts, and pom-poms?! Those Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?
You have got to be kidding me.
Where does this grandmother get the audacity to desecrate something so pure and beautiful? Why doesn't she just set fire to the American flag and piss on the ashes? At least then we'll still have the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to comfort our nation in our time of grief!
This woman is completely insane. She thinks that just because she trains in national fitness competitions that there is no difference between her damn near 56-year old body and those of the nubile 19-year old bodies she will be directly auditioning with.
Just typing that is making my blood boil.
There's no difference between a 19-year old's body and a 56-year old's body? That's like saying there's no difference between something awesome that everybody wants to see between something horrible that should be locked up in a closet. A 19-year old gets naked and she's put in a magazine. A 56-year old gets naked for a mole screening. This is just ridiculous.
My only explanation is that she's some spy put here by either Russia or North Korea or something to try and divide our nation's patriotism. What other national sanctity did we have left other than the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? This is like 9/11 had a baby with Benedict Arnold!
The absolute worst part of it? She's not even that bad looking. I am not going to post her picture up on the SP because this is an American institution, dammit, but if you want to look her up for your commie selves her name is Sharon Simmons.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and try and find some more proof on 19-year old bodies being better...
Happy March Madness, kids!
Normally when I hear the words "Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Auditions" I get all tingly inside and start salivating like I just sat down in a fancy steak restaurant after being stranded out at sea for a few months.
So when I read those words today followed by these words: "Grandma, 55, to audition", I went into a complete meltdown.
THE Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?! The Mount Everest of chicks in skimpy skirts, loose fitting tied-off shirts, and pom-poms?! Those Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?
You have got to be kidding me.
Where does this grandmother get the audacity to desecrate something so pure and beautiful? Why doesn't she just set fire to the American flag and piss on the ashes? At least then we'll still have the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to comfort our nation in our time of grief!
This woman is completely insane. She thinks that just because she trains in national fitness competitions that there is no difference between her damn near 56-year old body and those of the nubile 19-year old bodies she will be directly auditioning with.
Just typing that is making my blood boil.
There's no difference between a 19-year old's body and a 56-year old's body? That's like saying there's no difference between something awesome that everybody wants to see between something horrible that should be locked up in a closet. A 19-year old gets naked and she's put in a magazine. A 56-year old gets naked for a mole screening. This is just ridiculous.
My only explanation is that she's some spy put here by either Russia or North Korea or something to try and divide our nation's patriotism. What other national sanctity did we have left other than the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders? This is like 9/11 had a baby with Benedict Arnold!
The absolute worst part of it? She's not even that bad looking. I am not going to post her picture up on the SP because this is an American institution, dammit, but if you want to look her up for your commie selves her name is Sharon Simmons.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and try and find some more proof on 19-year old bodies being better...
Happy March Madness, kids!
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