The Peyton Potential

I have a dirty little secret to confess.

I hate Peyton Manning.

I'm not talking like in a school-girl, I hate him because I hate to love him kind of way. I HAAAAAAATE him.

It dates back to before the Houston Texans were a football team causing realignment in the AFC divisions. Peyton's Colts were in the same division as Miami. Guess how many times the greasy weasel would come back at the last second to drive a stake through my heart? Countless.

Then came the days of Fantasy Football. Peyton eviscerated my teams. So I thought I could outsmart him by drafting him on my team. My can't beat 'em, join 'em schtick lasted long enough for Peyton to drop an egg in the playoffs resulting in my immediate elimination.

I truly believe that some cosmic forces somewhere clashed together and created two entities that would forever be mortal villains of each other that manifested themselves in a football player and some random guy in Florida.

Every move he makes is a slap in my face. His very existence taunts me. When I do an impression of Peyton Manning I draw my inspiration from "What if Forrest Gump was a Colt's fan?" Then it just sort of funnels out of control. "'Ello, my name Pey-ton Man-ning. I play quartaback inna N-F-L. I just loooove Oreos. My brother Eli, he a quartaback too."

Now he's 35, has just missed a full NFL season, and is still recovering from neck surgery. My conventional wisdom has told me that the Peyton is no more. He's done. Rejoice, brothers and sisters!

Naturally the universe would have none of this. The Colts had the worst season this year, locked in the number one draft pick, locked in Andrew Luck, and made Peyton Manning expendable.

Crap.

We are currently two months away from when Manning is due a huge roster bonus that the Colts surely won't pay when they are going to have to pay Andrew Luck a lot of money too. Let's not forget that the organization has recently cleaned out the front office. Manning has no friends left. The owner and him are having media fights that lead people to assume that Peyton's days in blue and white are numbered.

Crap.

The Miami Dolphins have needed a quarterback since Dan Marino retired in 2000. The Dolphins' track record in the search for the next quarterback has ranged from draft busts, to unproven free-agents, and the ever-so-popular aged veterans past their prime with an injury history.

Crap.

That's right, kids. The rumors are swirling that Peyton Manning will be the next starting quarterback of the Miami Dolphins.

Well isn't that just the tits. I'm not one to stomp up and down and scream, "It isn't fair, it isn't fair!" but come on...it's not fair.

Look, personal hatred aside, when the man was healthy he was the best quarterback ever. You were never surely going to lose as long as Peyton Manning was your quarterback. But he's not healthy anymore...and he's old! He's an awkward tackle away from not being able to move his head anymore.

Peyton Manning is a huge competitor and he's not going to accept the sad fact that he's done. I can't really blame him. After a lengthy career where he never missed a start, it's over just like that? Yes, it is. But I'm not naive and I know he's going to play somewhere next year. And it's going to be sad. Things like this shouldn't end like this.

Just don't let it happen in Miami. I can't take hating somebody while feeling sorry for them at the same time AND watch my team suck. That's a three-headed monster and there just isn't enough whiskey in the world.