Through My Judging Eyes

First off, I am going to try and make it a point to write the good ol' SP more often. If I don't do it, who will? Plus, let's face it, you miss hearing my voice in your heads as you imagine me reading my own words. It's cute and I'll indulge you.

Second off, this is going to be a second straight post about the Miami Dolphins. I know I said I hate talking about my personal favorite teams, but damn it if they don't keep popping up in the news! So, as the renowned professional journalist I am, I am left with no choice but to keep on writing about them.

Third off, this post is also about Tim Tebow. I felt the need to warn some of you about that because this has proven to be a sensitive subject. People will step aside as I blaspheme and curse my goddamn ass off, but shame on me for talking ill of the Tebow! I understand that throwing mud in the face of God's Chosen One will more than likely be the downfall of the SP, but like I said, renowned journalist...I have to write about it.

I first wrote about Tim Tebow a while back when he was writing his memoirs. I won't take the trouble to link it because you should already have it bookmarked. To spare you the indignity, it was essentially about how ludicrous it was that such a young man, who in the grand scheme of things, had accomplished so little and was yet writing the tale of his life. A man, who devoted his life to God, had by all accounts started worshiping another idol--himself! Trust me, he'll be the first one to tell you that the book is a source of inspiration and a thought-provoking journey. I know of another Book that does the same thing...

Like I predicted, you all are idiots, and the book made the best-seller list.

However, I digress, as much of a hypocrite and shadow personality that I find in Tim Tebow, my head is shaking at the Miami Dolphins even harder...once again.

This Monday, the Dolphins play my arch-rival New York Jets, then they play the Denver Broncos the following Sunday. The newly Tim Tebow-led Denver Broncos will come to Miami and bare witness to a Dolphin-hosted ceremony honoring the 2008 NCAA football champion Florida Gators.

In what would seem like a nice gesture honoring our state's champions, one can't help but notice one slight transgression.

By 'one', I mean me, and by 'slight transgression', I mean huge bed-shitting. This is the same Florida Gator team that was led by none other than...Tim Tebow.

Are you kidding me, Miami? It's not enough that I have to sit here and PRAY that you lose every game to secure your future but now I have to sit here and watch you honor the opposing quarterback?

What is this, some sort of sick joke?

I know and understand the old adage, "If you can't beat them, join them." Hell, we can't beat you...but we'll throw you a parade!

Now, to Miami's credit (and this is a small, small credit), they planned this way in advance and had no idea that Tebow would be the starter at this point over incumbent, Kyle Orton. The same Kyle Orton that Miami tried to trade for at the beginning of the year, who is now benched on a equally shitty team, in favor for the half-time honoree.

I know that some of you don't know sports and probably think I am making all of this up, and I wish it were true.

Hey, I understand the audacity in praising the opposing team in your own stadium, I really do. However, if it takes God's Child to push us one step closer to Andrew Luck, I'll get up and cheer for him myself.

Look, I think Tebow is better suited on a street corner, unshaven, holding a sign that reads, "John 3:16", than he is holding a football on a National Football League field. The fact that he'll be wearing a Denver Bronco's jersey and standing on Dolphin turf while the Dolphins' honor him?

Well, that just sickens me.