Hello friends, and I guess also enemies, I'm back and I wanted to address a few things. The last post I made was meant as a distraction from all the crap happening in the world right now. It's not my job, it's just something I like to do. I like throwing peanuts in people's faces. It's fun.
However, it's dawned on me over this past week that I can no longer distract you, but rather break down to shit what some of these 'higher institutions' are considering in the light of the Coronavirus pandemic. I'm not sure if pandemic should also be capitalized, I haven't been through one before.
Essentially, it's become perfectly clear that nobody knows what to do and they are basically playing Madlibs at this point.
Let's start with you, MLB, because you are clearly drinking too much grain alcohol in this quarantine. The proposition sounds like something a very desperate person would do at the end of their rope and let's keep in mind, their season is just postponed! It wasn't canceled like the NBA or NHL.
So here it is, the grand drunken plan, first off, we're all playing in Arizona...in a bubble. Yep, a bubble. There won't be any fans and all the players will have to stay away from their families the whole time. A regular baseball season is 162 games. I can't imagine they will try to squeeze all those in but still, that's a lot of time away from your family. Regular baseball life is tough on the family, this is just ridiculous. Moving on, there won't be any fans in the stadium...but there will be players! That's right kids, the players will move from the dugout to sit in the stands, six feet away from each other. We're also eliminating mound visits from the catcher and manager and I can't believe you've let me get this far and I'm still not done yet! We're also talking about realignment. We're going to keep how Spring training does it. In case you are unfamiliar, we have the Cactus and the Grapefruit leagues. Why? Because cactus grows in the desert and that's where everybody west of the Mississippi plays and old people love grapefruit so come on down to Florida for the rest!
So how does the playoff dynamic work at that point? There are fifteen teams in each league. We're just going to round robin the entire season? So, when someone wins, do we really care? Isn't it best to not do this whacky shit and just sit down for a year?! Hell, if goddamn Pizza Hut can make it through this, I think the MLB will be just fine for a little while. It's just too gimmicky for me. I miss baseball, but not this much. This is too much.
Sigh.
Okay, let's get to you, my most infamous enemy, the NCAA.
Look, it's been no surprise over the years that I have not been a fan of the NCAA. In fact, I've been on record as calling them the National Collection of Assholes Anonymous. I'm good at acronyms, what can I say? But the idea of some conferences operating, because they have the funds, and leaving the rest out, is simply demonic. Now they haven't come out and said that they're doing this buuuuuuuut let's be rational here, unlike the NCAA. Some conferences operating is a lot more money than no conferences operating, right? And what, say it with me, sways the opinion of the NCAA? Dolla, dolla bills, y'all.
I'm also going to go out on a limb here, and don't worry, it's a very sturdy ass limb, that these conferences are primarily concerned about college football. I say that, because, I didn't hear shit when they canceled the goddamn basketball tournament. And I can't imagine that they're that concerned about the swimmers and soccer players.
All of this is a contingency plan. It's April. Who knows where we are come late August?
However, it's April, and I've already heard this shit.
If there wasn't a time to give money to student-athletes...I'm talking about the ones that have now been banned from their housing units because of the lockdown, and a lot of them, if not most, travel far to go to their school and couldn't just go back to mom and dad's house and are YOUNG and simply...lost. None of this is right. It's madness. I don't want to hear about conferences talking about how some of them can start up and others can't, I want to hear about what they are doing to help, goddammit. And if they aren't doing that on a conference level, then the NCAA needs to get their heads out of their collective asses and make them do it. These are kids, that believed in bettering themselves and went to do it, that got screwed because of something that most of us only read in history books.
I'm referring to the plague, which is colloquially referred to as the Black Death, which took place in the 1300's.
The 1300's!!!
Those people thought it was okay to walk amongst rats and just dump your shit bucket out the window onto the street below.
Welp. No consistencies here.
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