Is Arby's Hiring?

This year has been marred with a lot of tragedies and I for one could use some good news for a change.

What's that?

The New York Yankees are telling Alex Rodriguez that his last baseball game will be Friday?!  And he's accepting this as the end?!

Look, if this is some sort of sick joke I need to know right now because I have been saving these balloons and confetti for a long, long time and I don't want to waste them on a ruse.

So it's real?  It's really real?!

DROP THOSE MOTHERFUCKING BALLOONS, KIDS!  A-ROD HAS BEEN DEFEATED!

The Yankees are going to release him into a 'supervisor' position but that's just fancy talk for how they would rather pay him $21 million dollars to still have to wake up early every morning and fight the traffic just like the rest of us.  Baseball contracts are guaranteed, no matter what, so of course the Yankees are going to give A-Rod one last 'go fuck yourself.'

Personally?  I would line a room with unmarked checks and release a squad of golden retriever puppies into that room and I would sleep well at night knowing that every cent of that twenty-one million had some sort of dog doo on it.  That's what he deserves.  Dog doo money.

The weird thing about the whole situation is that the Yankees called the press conference and he agreed to go, knowing full well what the conference was about, and delivered his own eulogy, and he's still going to play on Friday for his last game.

What's the point?  I am so confused.

The only legitimate box score he should have for that game is HBP (3).  I say that because old boy's last game will be at...my house!  The Tampa Bay Rays host the New York Yankees for Alex Rodriguez's last game and I hope we hit him with the ball every...SINGLE...TIME.  It's the perfect retirement gift.  No moment in the sun for him.  Not even a Ray.  (That was pretty clever, right?)

If you've read this blog for a while you've known for quite some time that I hate Alex Rodriguez and Cole Hamels aside he's my least favorite baseball player.  It's because he's the anti-Griffey Jr.  You were so gifted that you could have landed in the stars but you were friends, or "cousins", with the wrong people and your own ego got the best of you and you cheated.  You cheated, lied about cheating, felt the noose tightening, gave an interview about how you were cheating, got suspended for the most amount of time that any baseball player had been suspended for, got that lengthy suspension reduced to just a year, and then came back after that year.  Alex Rodriguez is so illegitimate when it comes to just about anything that I don't doubt that he's absolutely lost right now.  What the Hell is he supposed to do when everything he's ever done is a lie?

Everybody knew it too.  New York threw a year long celebration for Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez gets a day in Tampa.  The best part is that Jeter got a kayak from Tampa for retiring and A-Rod will probably get gonorrhea from Ybor city as his parting gift.  And this God is cruel and unforgiving and I couldn't agree with Him more.

I went Old Testament for Alex Rodriguez but that's all he gets.  Look, if all your life you were told you were going to be the greatest baseball of all time and you went out and played baseball and said to yourself, "Holy shit, they're right!" and then worked your ass off for years and years and your self-esteem was so low that when people said "Yep, you're great, but what if you could be better with this illegal drug?!" and you said "Sign me up!"  Then I just don't know...

There's a very good possibility that Alex Rodriguez is just an idiot.  But he's not an idiot.  He thinks we're the idiots, so much so that he's convinced of it enough to jointly give a press conference that wasn't his cutting from the team but it really was at the same time and embrace his last game that takes place more than a week later.  And sometimes sociopaths play sports instead of taking up weapons.

By the way, I'm kidding.  Alex Rodriguez definitely has gonorrhea already and won't have to rubber up when he's in Ybor.