The Dust Bowl

I'm about to be one of those jerks that wasn't there at the time but is going to tell you about it anyways.  Listen, all history is just somebody telling you that this is what happened and you can take their word for it and believe it or just make up some random shit and all of a sudden you're a cult leader.  I've seen it tens and tens of times...

In the 1920's, the United States of America decided to ruin everybody's good time and made the buying and selling of booze illegal.  It went over about as well as you would think and the infrastructure crumbled.  All Prohibition managed to do was bring about rampant organized crime, usher in an era known as the Great Depression, and still allow people to buy and sell booze but be more quiet about it.  I'm no historian but if there's a place called the 'Dust Bowl' I'm probably getting the Hell out of there.  It's the same thing for 'Tornado Alley', 'Ring of Fire', and 'Chipotle'.  Their very names illicit fear!

The fact that you could have lived in the Dust Bowl during the Great Depression while under Prohibition and didn't immediately off yourself proves to me that people are generally very, very stupid.  Dust Bowl?  Sounds exotic!

Look I know that I didn't live through those times and I'm basically mocking our family history but...come on!  The mentality of "Well, we're poor and on the brink of annihilation...let's settle in this barren wasteland that is completely void of any natural resources that is constantly pounded by storms...made...of...dust.  That oughta cheer us up!"

We come from a long line of stupid and that much is very obvious even in today's standards.


Which brings me to today's NBA and the saga of DeAndre Jordan.

You know what, screw that, this story isn't about DeAndre Jordan it's about the stupidity of the NBA and how their failure to recognize the sign of the times brings about things of this nature.  DeAndre Jordan was set to be a free agent, meaning he could sign with any team.  The NBA sets aside a period of time before free agency begins where all potential free agents can talk with other teams and negotiate deals but not allowed to sign any contracts...meaning anything decided during this time is strictly based upon the faith of a man's word.

Jordan gave his word to the Dallas Mavericks that he was headed there and then they proceeded to do nothing else in this pre-free agency period except party and high-five each other.  Well it turns out that the Dallas Mavericks don't watch Game of Thrones where basically 'giving your word' means 'I'm about to stab you'.

Before we continue we have to visit our little history lesson real quick.  The NBA refers to this pre-gaming practice as the 'Moratorium Period' which turns out to be the 'temporary prohibition of an activity'.  Uh oh...there's that scary word again.  That didn't turn out so well the first time...

The NBA thinks that it can operate under the 'word' of man.  The 'word' of man died as soon as we started throwing millions of dollars around and kept a harem of lawyers on speed dial.  You can't even go smoke a cigarette without leaving a credit card with the bartender!  The Dallas Mavericks were stupid.  The NBA is stupid.  And now DeAndre Jordan looks like a jerk because he wasn't sure he was making the right decision as a 26-year old facing a career defining moment and ended up going back to the place he felt the safest.

People will say he should have called Mark Cuban, the owner of the Mavericks, and explained it all to him and I'm pretty sure those are the same people that let their significant other know that they are broken up by Facebook status.  Have you ever applied to two jobs, got them both, and then called the lesser paying of the two and thanked them for considering you but you have a better option?  If you answered 'yes' then you are definitely a Dust Bowl descendant.  Does Mark Cuban call all the players he doesn't sign and says, "thanks but no thanks?"  Did Al Capone ever call up the cops before Eliot Ness and thank them for being close but not close enough?

I'm not calling DeAndre Jordan a scumbag but there's been too many scumbags in the past for the NBA to still operate a system where men just give their 'word'.  It leaves too many loopholes.  Whenever we throw around words like 'honor' with multi-billion dollar companies, agents, lawyers, and the media...well...now we're just asking for Great Depression.


Who's the bad guy in this whole affair, kids?  History and the human inability to recognize and learn from it.  The 'Moratorium Period' is as good as dead and I can only imagine what they come up with next.

I'd like to think that my ancestor during this time was sitting in a speak-easy drinking a probably awful tasting scotch and just thinking to himself, "Yep, it's all the same."

Float on, graceful swans.