Five

July is always special to the Studly Pastures and this July we start our fifth year!

Five!  Booyah!  Take that, Google Ads!  You could have had some of this sweet five-year matured nectar but you ditched us for the classier stallion and you still probably made the right choice, you business savvy bastards!

Look, I never needed an Internet Trends Adviser to let me in on the biggest little secret on why the ol' SP isn't exactly the cream of the world wide crop.  I curse, I'm small-minded, I make broad accusations on wild theories that don't even make sense, I almost always reference pop culture in a sarcastic tone, I never really pay attention to true grammatical standards despite my natural journalistic background, and I write so sporadically that if you do read this blog you are probably just as surprised as my blog that a new posting is available.

What can I say?  It's been a hell of a ride.

I curse in my writing because I curse in my talking and I write like I talk.  Duh.  And I've never been too keen on there being words that one shouldn't say.  This is one I'll kick the soap box over for though.  I don't walk up to strangers in my everyday life and say, "What the fuck do you want?"  I would love to but it's uncouth.  I understand that there's a certain threshold of words that are widely accepted in social interactions.  With that said, now you're in my house, and the unicorns seem to respond to offensive language...bitches.

Besides, I don't know if I could come up with a curse word that would accurately describe the feelings of the fans of the Brazilian national team and it's mostly because I don't speak Portuguese.  I've had a favorite team be on the 'please sir, no more' side of a beating and I think I yelled some gibberish in utter frustration at one point but that's nothing like this.

This was on the world stage, on your home turf, in the semi finals, and in a sport where you've won the most world wide titles...and you got completely embarrassed.  Brazil was dissected, analyzed, and pinpointed for every weakness in the span of less than the time you could have switched over from some crap American day-time television.  Not even Judge Judy could have yelled fast enough.

Germany was textbook Germany.  They came out and methodically passed the ball and waited for mistakes and then took advantage of them.  What they didn't expect was a Brazil team that would show up already defeated.  There was talk before the match that the Brazilian nationals would have an excuse to lose without best player Neymar and team captain Thiago Silva playing in the match.  I guess the Brazilian nationals took that as an excuse to not even attempt to play the Germans.


And I guess I appear small minded because if you write about sports long enough you'll catch yourself writing about the same damn thing over and over and over...

When we started in Year One the biggest story of the summer was The Decision and where Lebron James would take his talents.  I painstakingly took the time to bunk or debunk every team and finally whittle it down to two choices: Miami Heat or Cleveland Cavaliers.  I inevitably picked the Cavaliers and was proven wrong a few days later.

Now we stand, four years later, on the bright and beautiful cusp of a new year...and yet again I'm forced to choose between whether Lebron James will play for the Miami Heat or the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Listen, if there's anything I've learned in the last four years and would like myself to know four years from now when we recycle this bullshit...it's simply this:

This kid is not Jordan.  He's not even goddamn Pippen.  He's Lebron James, he's selfish, and he'll do whatever it takes to keep that spotlight right on his receding hairline.  I hate attacking a man for his premature balding but he's forcing my hand!

James doesn't care about winning titles, or establishing legacy, or even being the best player of his generation.  He only cares about tv time.  How long did they talk about me on Sportscenter today?  The worst part is that ESPN is more than happy to oblige.  The greatest player to bridge the gap since Jordan is Kobe and the next to carry the torch is Kevin Durant.  Lebron is just going to wind up with a lot of people confused about how he carried himself.


Now!  About this broad accusations on wild theories, I have to say, I don't even know where that one stemmed from.

Bill Belichick and the rest of the higher ups on the New England Patriots knew that Aaron Hernandez committed a double murder and still gave him a pay raise.  They say that blood is thicker than water but that saying doesn't make sense in this day and age because money is thicker than blood.  In fact, you can soak up a lot of blood with cold hard cash and there's nothing that brings in more money by the truck loads than winning a Super Bowl.

Hell, even going to a Super Bowl these days will at least pave the streets with some sort of platinum knock-off.  I mean, what's your soul worth?  Are you even using it?

Is it so far off the oblivious path to suggest that a team that had already been found guilty of spying on other team practices in order to gain an advantage on the field that they wouldn't engage in other unsavory activities?

By the time the Patriots drafted Aaron Hernandez he was already a bargain basement deal...why not, right?  Why should it be on them that a double murderer would commit, wouldn't you know it,  a third murder.  What a dick.  He ruined everything.


Five years in and nothing has changed.  I'm the same, you're the same, and sports hasn't changed a lick.  I could have sold out two years ago and I stuck around for this shit...

Float on, you graceful whatevers.