This, my dear faceless entities, marks the centennial post of the Studly Pastures.
It's sort of ridiculous to think that 99 times before this I have tried to involve you in some sort of love and appreciation for something sports related but in a few months we are celebrating our five-year anniversary and I guess the word 'pathetic' would be better suited.
I know I like to reserve the anniversary posts for self-imposed love fests but this is the 100th for crying out loud! This is a benchmark! Years from now when I write post number 756 we'll get to sit and argue whether or not I have to write 763 posts to consider myself the all-time leader or if 756 is good enough because I did it the right way and didn't disrespect the game by cheating. But we'll all remember that it took me five years to get to 100.
100 posts. That means I'm just one dalmatian shy of a snazzy new fur coat. Which, by the way, makes Cruella De Vil the absolute worst of the Disney villains. Anytime you see a litter of puppies and think to yourself, "Hmm they would make a nice outfit", you have deep psychological issues that you need to get worked out stat. Plus nobody uses that cigarette extender anymore, you pretentious wench.
Three nights ago I posted my disdain over the lack of offense by the Tampa Bay Rays thus far. It seemed like every time I put the game on the most ridiculous thing would go in favor of our opponent. On Thursday, we hit into a triple play. A triple play! How nuts is that? There have been 692 triple plays since 1876. There are 30 MLB teams and each of them play 162 regular season games and over the course of the last 138 years there has only been 692 triple plays and I saw one on Thursday night. So I posted that I was done with watching baseball and haven't watched more than two minutes the last two nights. The Rays record the last two nights? 2-0 outscoring the Yankees 27-6. I won't watch another minute this year if it means we win the World Series.
Speaking of baseball, 100 is cool and everything but I think we might put too much emphasis on numbers. For example, 500 home runs was the number for the longest time. If you hit 500 home runs you already had your ticket to Cooperstown and the baseball Hall of Fame. After the steroid era and finding out that 75% of our heroes cheated their way to 500 we've gradually moved away from our love of numbers. Albert Pujols hit his 500th home run the other day and you probably just learned that from me and I only know because I love watching PTI.
If I write 500 posts and 200 of them are not funny or witty, and another 150 were ghost-written by somebody that I've employed because of my huge ego, and then another 50 were just articles I've already written that you've forgotten about because it's been awhile...then where are we at? The Hall of Fame? Not a chance.
See, the steroid era changed baseball like the internet changed the art of writing. You have to do more, you have to be original, and you have to make sure that whatever you do, you never take anything not prescribed by a licensed doctor.
I've always tried to do this rare thing with the Pastures and that's try to make sure I know what I'm talking about. Both the NHL and NBA playoffs are going on right now and that's all I have to say about that.
Kids, tomorrow is the Boston marathon and I'd like to ask you to whatever you are doing tomorrow to sit back and just take a second to be proud of mankind. Tomorrow is more than just some race that some ridiculously skinny person from a foreign county is going to win. It's a slap in the face to oppressors, terrorists, and anybody or anything that wants to create havoc and interfere with our way of life. It's great to be an American, and I'm proud to be an American, but the Boston marathon attracts more than Americans and they're going to show up in droves tomorrow to prove the resilience of human beings.
A marathon in itself is a testament to strength and resolve. It's a battle of endurance and a battle of wits as you power on through the miles. The ability to run just over 26 miles for no greater purpose than just to do it is a perfect example of the human spirit.
Obviously last year the Boston marathon was marred with tragedy by some people who thought they could change the landscape of the human mind but yet again they were completely wrong. Tomorrow is going to the be the biggest Boston marathon ever. Sure there will be more security but it doesn't really matter. There's no feasible way to ensure the safety of thousands of people over 26 miles and they all know that and they don't care. They're gonna run. They're gonna run for last year, for this year, and for all the runners in the coming years.
Isn't that beautiful? They were BOMBED last year and they still don't care. This is their thing and nobody is ever going to take it from them.
To all the runners tomorrow, I salute and thank you, for once again proving that in the face of adversity we humans come out stronger and better. We will persevere, that's assured.
100 posts in. I think I can stick around a little longer.
Float on, graceful swans.
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