We're back and it's been recently brought to my attention that we're not supposed to take it anymore. So for those of you that have been still taking it you can go ahead and not take it anymore. Thank you.
I'd like to consider myself a fair guy. I don't think I have unreasonable expectations where I hope that my favorite sports team doesn't do anything to completely embarrass me and if and when that happens I won't just spray cologne over it and pretend it's not there.
The Miami Dolphins have spent the better part of the last year trying to convince us it was just a cold sore and now we finally have admission that it's full blown herpes. Joe Philbin seems like a nice enough guy to buy sweaters from but when you let your own employees harass each other in a myriad of ways and don't claim ownership of that then one of two things should happen. The first is you're lying and should be fired. The second is you have no control of your own employees and should be fired.
However, the Miami Dolphins embrace the lifestyles we have here in the Twilight Zone and let Philbin go out there in his nice, non-confrontational button down shirt and swear that from now on we really, really won't let people treat other people like they're not actual human beings. Good on them.
Okay faceless entities, a proposition: I will write the Studly Pastures until the Miami Dolphins win a Super Bowl or I meet my untimely demise. So the deal is that unless I die or the Dolphins win the Super Bowl, the SP will continue on. You game? You actually have no choice. I've already decided. The last post I ever write for the SP will be the Dolphins' Super Bowl victory or something really stupid because I died shortly after that. It's the ultimate game of internet chicken.
Enough about that crap, let's talk about some Olympics crap. It seems to me that for some reason before the last three days that Americans thought we could beat Canadians in hockey. Really? I know most of you like to brush off Canada little-brother style but if there is one thing that they nailed down and really made 'their thing' it's hockey.
I know here in America we have to concern ourselves with trivial things like keeping the rest of the world in order but in Canada they don't have that problem. They just sit up there and play hockey until we tell them to do something.
In all seriousness though, our national women's hockey team choked and in further seriousness, I was hoping I would never have to mention women's hockey. Two goal lead, third period, and closing minutes...and you lose? I'm not insinuating that this wouldn't happen to men because I watch American soccer and it happens all the time but come on! You'se had 'em! You'se had 'em!!!
It's okay, girls. The World Cup is five months away and the Summer Olympics is two years away and the word 'Canada' will be irrelevant for all of that.
Finally, I have to end with Derek Jeter. The Yankee short-stop is retiring after this upcoming season and to me that's the right decision. Jeter announcing his retirement is like a race horse being put down after breaking it's leg...except the horse is pulling the trigger. Jeter is showing something rare in athletes like him that have spent most of his career in the spotlight and in the center of attention: the ability to know when it's time to walk away.
Somewhere on a farm in Mississippi, Brett Favre is re-enacting the entire plot of Necessary Roughness--the movie, not the show, have some class.
Jeter will always be for me that iconic athlete that I miss because I knew I was getting old. Ken Griffey Jr. was the man when I was a kid but he was injury prone and didn't have the staying power. Jeter has had his fair share of injuries but it wasn't until recent years that injuries really got to him. Even as a Rays fan it's hard not to see Jeter at short-stop for the Yankees. After going through the fanfare last year with Mariano retiring it should be safe to assume that the Captain will get the same treatment.
I can only hope that in his last at-bat he's pulled for a pinch-hitting Bernie Williams. That'd be amazing. I love baseball and I love the fact that I care about a rival teammate retiring. Sigggghhhh.
I guess in a way, kids, I have announced my own retirement. One way or another, the Studly will end either with my death or a Miami Dolphins Super Bowl victory. I wish Vegas would calculate these odds for me because I could walk out my door tomorrow and get hit by a bus but the Dolphins can't win the Super Bowl tomorrow.
So I guess the only thing left to do is live life to the fullest, right? In the immortal words from Robert Loggia from Necessary Roughness, "YOU TEAR THEIR F****** HEADS OFF AND SHIT DOWN THEIR NECKS!" "Let us pray."
Float on, graceful swans.
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